Catatan Kejujuran di Akhir Tahun 2019
2019 will leave us soon. What happened so far trough this year?
Seeing people post their achievements on 2019 does not make me envy or feeling disappointed with my life. Surely, I feel its hurt if I try to flashback to 2019. But, then I see 2020 and I push my self to write this post in order to learn from the past and be a better person in the future.
2019, a darkest year in my life. They said, how lucky you are: living abroad. Nope guys, what you see in my social media is only a happiness I rarely post how I was crying, frustrated, or even you do not know that I ever though to suicide. Because I only want to share the happiness and give the positive vibes to others.
Mental healthiness is important chil, its OK to be not OK and its OK to share your fail or sadness. NO. I know the capacity of my self, and I do not need to do that. I am very blessed to have my loved one: family and friends. I do not even know how many times I call or send them message to keep my mind waras. But importantly, I feel blessed that Allah strengths me to overcome this obstacles.
This year, I started my first job in Semarang and started my master program in the place that I even never think to be here before. This year and even the following year, I still can not hold my tears to fall, remember about my mother. Last year, this year, next year, I always learn. Everyday I learn something new and more days more I know that Allah is the best planners. What happened in the past strengths me to be my current self.
A half of 2019, I spent my days in Indonesia. After leaving my job in Pare and after I leave Semarang for 11 years, I came back to my hometown, Semarang. Eventho I was born in Semarang but I need to adapt well here. Its hard as well to say the truth that I am jobless.
In the beginning of 2019, I moved from one city to another city to look for scholarship for pursuing study to master degree. Yap, still that's as my goal in 2019. I applied and failed. I applied and failed. I applied and failed. Interestingly, fail from LPDP is the hardest fail to wake up. You know tho from my previous blog haha.
Beside that then, I was accepted in a well-known institution after a long way of selection and competitive recruitment but it was my firt time again to reject it.
However, in March, I started my first job that I enjoyed it. I love traveling and that job brings me to travel from one city to another city. Why? I love to meet new people, I can learn something that I never know before from them. But, that was not my dream job.
In the middle of 2019, Allah kembali menguji saya dan keluarga. Allah panggil satu-satunya orang tersayang kami. This is my first time as well, bagaimana belajar ikhlas melihat didepan mata sendiri orang tersayang menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya, menghadap ajal, dan mengantarkan ke persemayaman terakhir untuk menghadap Ilahi. Alfatihah.
Without saying a proper good bye to others, I left my country to the neighbour country to continue my education. Beside my dream to study again, I tried hard to tackle the condition that is not as my wish.
And now, I survive. Slowly, I accept. Quickly, I adapt. There is no words can describe how feeling bleesed I am from anything what Allah has given me.
The job that I took this year gives me a meaningful lesson to be more careful to consume food, drinks, and use stuffs. The loneliness in the foreign country gives me lesson to be more independent woman, gives me "me time" that I can spend effectively, gives me chance to share and spread more kindness and happiness, and gives me opportunity to learn Islam more from other perspective.
Interestingly, now I study at Faculty of Medicine that I almost forgot that I ever dream to become a medical student and works in the hospital. I got the project in Gestational Diabetes Mellitus that I also almost forgot that I ever had a dream to become doctor SpOg to help more women give a birth. then, I took Stem Cells Science course that I ever had a passion and request to take stem cells as my project in intership program. All of those things were somethings from my wishlist that declined at that time then all of those things happens right now.
What I want to share the take-home message is
1) Bersyukur. What happens in our life is the best way how Allah gives to us. We will see more miracles from the unpredictable ways. Tugas kita adalah memaksimalkan potensi melalui jalan yang telah Allah pilihkan.
Ning Nadia said : Kita tidak dipersilahkan untuk mengatur takdir kita sendiri, tapi kita hanya dipersilahkan untuk mengatur 'hati' kita untuk menerima takdir tadi.
2) Tawakal. Serahkan semuanya pada Allah karena usaha bukanlah segalanya. Honestly, imanku sempat diuji dengan menuhankan usaha dan ikhtiar. I disagree to what people said, hasil tidak mengkhianati usaha. The good thing from the "ikhtiar" is we can learn a lot during the process.
3) Muhasabbah. Losing my mom deeply breaks my heart. Banyak hal yg kemudian mengajariku bahwa kematian itu dekat dan hal ini kemudian merombak semua yg ada di hidupku. Now I have less dream, less wish, and nothing special. Mengalir. But, now I still ambitious to achieve what I want right now, that is my existence in this world will not be useless. I should give benefits to others before I leave from this world. I am ready to face new challenges, learn more lessons, deal with mistakes, heal my self, and have more balance life.
قُلْ إِنَّ صَلَاتِي وَنُسُكِي وَمَحْيَايَ وَمَمَاتِي لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ
I wish all of us can be better person each day. Spend our limit time properly. Increase our iman correctly. Better life in physic, mental, and spiritual. Forgive me for any mistakes I've done. I have forgive you as well. and million thanks for everyone whom i met this year and helps me a lot. Happy New Year.
You can share your lesson from your experience in 2019 as well in the comments box below. I would appreciate and love to hear your story. Cheer up.
A half of 2019, I spent my days in Indonesia. After leaving my job in Pare and after I leave Semarang for 11 years, I came back to my hometown, Semarang. Eventho I was born in Semarang but I need to adapt well here. Its hard as well to say the truth that I am jobless.
In the beginning of 2019, I moved from one city to another city to look for scholarship for pursuing study to master degree. Yap, still that's as my goal in 2019. I applied and failed. I applied and failed. I applied and failed. Interestingly, fail from LPDP is the hardest fail to wake up. You know tho from my previous blog haha.
Beside that then, I was accepted in a well-known institution after a long way of selection and competitive recruitment but it was my firt time again to reject it.
However, in March, I started my first job that I enjoyed it. I love traveling and that job brings me to travel from one city to another city. Why? I love to meet new people, I can learn something that I never know before from them. But, that was not my dream job.
In the middle of 2019, Allah kembali menguji saya dan keluarga. Allah panggil satu-satunya orang tersayang kami. This is my first time as well, bagaimana belajar ikhlas melihat didepan mata sendiri orang tersayang menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya, menghadap ajal, dan mengantarkan ke persemayaman terakhir untuk menghadap Ilahi. Alfatihah.
Without saying a proper good bye to others, I left my country to the neighbour country to continue my education. Beside my dream to study again, I tried hard to tackle the condition that is not as my wish.
And now, I survive. Slowly, I accept. Quickly, I adapt. There is no words can describe how feeling bleesed I am from anything what Allah has given me.
The job that I took this year gives me a meaningful lesson to be more careful to consume food, drinks, and use stuffs. The loneliness in the foreign country gives me lesson to be more independent woman, gives me "me time" that I can spend effectively, gives me chance to share and spread more kindness and happiness, and gives me opportunity to learn Islam more from other perspective.
Interestingly, now I study at Faculty of Medicine that I almost forgot that I ever dream to become a medical student and works in the hospital. I got the project in Gestational Diabetes Mellitus that I also almost forgot that I ever had a dream to become doctor SpOg to help more women give a birth. then, I took Stem Cells Science course that I ever had a passion and request to take stem cells as my project in intership program. All of those things were somethings from my wishlist that declined at that time then all of those things happens right now.
What I want to share the take-home message is
1) Bersyukur. What happens in our life is the best way how Allah gives to us. We will see more miracles from the unpredictable ways. Tugas kita adalah memaksimalkan potensi melalui jalan yang telah Allah pilihkan.
Ning Nadia said : Kita tidak dipersilahkan untuk mengatur takdir kita sendiri, tapi kita hanya dipersilahkan untuk mengatur 'hati' kita untuk menerima takdir tadi.
2) Tawakal. Serahkan semuanya pada Allah karena usaha bukanlah segalanya. Honestly, imanku sempat diuji dengan menuhankan usaha dan ikhtiar. I disagree to what people said, hasil tidak mengkhianati usaha. The good thing from the "ikhtiar" is we can learn a lot during the process.
3) Muhasabbah. Losing my mom deeply breaks my heart. Banyak hal yg kemudian mengajariku bahwa kematian itu dekat dan hal ini kemudian merombak semua yg ada di hidupku. Now I have less dream, less wish, and nothing special. Mengalir. But, now I still ambitious to achieve what I want right now, that is my existence in this world will not be useless. I should give benefits to others before I leave from this world. I am ready to face new challenges, learn more lessons, deal with mistakes, heal my self, and have more balance life.
You can share your lesson from your experience in 2019 as well in the comments box below. I would appreciate and love to hear your story. Cheer up.
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